On Holkham Hall Christmases as a child

At Holkham, we had a tree with real candles and there were two butlers, one on each side, to replace them when they burnt out. After lunch, we’d open our presents in the big gallery – we’d each have a card table with our presents on and I remember looking at my sister’s to see if she had more than me. My parents were very strict about thanking people and we’d make a list so we could write to them. It was always cold weather and we’d skate on the lake. My favourite carol is In the Bleak Midwinter, as it reminds me of everything being frozen and skating in a Father Christmas hat.

On festive parties at Buckingham Palace 

When my father was an equerry to the Duke of York, who became King [George VI], my sister and I were asked to the parties that Queen Mary gave for the royal children and the children of the household. We’d wear our best dresses, white socks and silver shoes. We sat at a table filled with tiny sandwiches and little cakes, with the nanny behind our chairs to see that we behaved. After tea, there’d be a Punch and Judy show which Princess Margaret and I absolutely hated. When Mr Punch bashed his wife, we’d have our hands over our eyes. 

There was a table in the hall covered in presents and before we left, we were allowed to choose something. My sister picked a huge teddy bear and I saw a doll I wanted, but just as I got my hands on it, a terrifying voice from above said, ‘Anne’. I looked up and it was Queen Mary. She said to me, ‘I’m going to give you a piece of advice.’ Well, I didn’t really want advice, I wanted the doll. But she continued, ‘Quite often better things come in little boxes.’ And she pushed a little box towards me, which contained a necklace of coral and pearl. Queen Mary was right because it’s something that I’ve still got to this day, and my great-granddaughter Ruby wears it on Christmas Day.

On Princess Margaret’s present-giving

Princess Margaret [for whom Lady Glenconner was lady-in-waiting from 1971 to 2002] taught me one or two things about Christmas, including to always make a list of presents that I give to people because often, especially at my age, one forgets. When Margaret lived at Kensington Palace, she would give a Christmas tea for her ladies-in-waiting. She had a wonderful tree but her presents varied rather – sometimes they were clearly things she’d been given, but they were still lovely. 

On one occasion, she gave one of us a loo brush. When the recipient unwrapped it, she went up to thank Margaret who said: ‘Oh, when I stayed with you the other day, I noticed you didn’t have one in the bathroom.’ She explained she’d gone to great trouble choosing it, getting Tony Snowdon to design it. When you receive an unusual gift, try and behave as if it’s something you really want – that’s what the lady-in-waiting did, up to a point. 

On what to get the person who has everything

I’d say to Princess Margaret, ‘Ma’am, is there anything you would particularly like for Christmas?’ Quite often there is something surprising you haven’t thought of. Although Margaret went shopping, the Queen didn’t very often. My mother was a lady-in-waiting to her and they did, in fact, go to Harrods every year and she had a little list, but the Royal Family never gave expensive presents. I think there is nothing nicer than either being asked what you want or being given a gift voucher, then you can choose.

On Christmas in Mustique

I remember telling the children we were going to Mustique for Christmas to be met by, ‘Oh Mum, it’s not a place you go for Christmas.’ And, in a way, it isn’t because you swim, there’s heat and all that sort of thing. But we enjoyed it. Basil, who ran the bar, used to dress up as Father Christmas. After lunch everyone, including Mick Jagger, David Bowie and all the people who had children, would wait at the bar to see Basil arriving by boat dressed as Father Christmas and the children would line up for a present from his sack. 

On Christmas decorations

I never feel too much is too much. At Holkham, the Christmases were grand with huge trees. Now I am 93 and living in a much smaller farmhouse, it’s on a more modest scale. I love a really good wreath on the front door, it’s welcoming. And I always have these little electric Christmas trees sparkling in the upstairs windows, so anyone passing can see them. I hope it makes people feel Christmassy. 

I get my crackers at This & That in Wells, it’s my favourite shop that sells everything. They actually crack when you pull them and they’re cheap. When we were children, we had modest little presents in our stockings – it’s the thought that counts. Now children have pillowcases and far too many presents. I think it’s gone rather over-the-top. 

On this year’s celebrations

We always go to church and then have a big lunch. This year I’ve got children coming from Scotland and great-grandchildren, as well as one or two friends who live nearby. I think Christmas is a time when people find it difficult to be on their own. There’ll be about 16 of us. We’ll have a turkey and a bottle of Champagne or two. 

It has to be a Norfolk turkey, no question. When I lived at Holkham, the tenant farmers all had to give a turkey at Christmas as part of their annual rent and they used to vie with each other as to who would give the biggest. My father used to donate them to hospitals and old people’s homes. We’d give the tenants a cake; I loved going to the kitchen to help decorate them. My mother would always have a big party for the children of everyone who worked on the estate. Back then there were about 500 cottages, as so many more people worked on the land. All the children would come for tea; there’d be presents, carols and games in the Hall like pass-the-parcel. 

On dressing for the festivities 

I always wear a hat and gloves for church on Christmas Day. I’m rather old-fashioned like that. But I’ll put something sparkly on my hat, like a star. We dress up for Christmas lunch – I’ve got a red dress I am going to wear this year, which is cheery. Christmas is a time to celebrate, so why not wear something that’s going to sparkle a bit?

As a host or hostess, if you’re having drinks before Christmas lunch, if you see somebody talking to someone they’re going to sit next to, it’s always important to whizz up and say, ‘You are sitting next to each other, so perhaps you’d like to meet somebody else?’ I think the thing is to be aware and try to ensure everybody has a good time, especially people who are shy.

On what I’ll be wrapping this year

I used to have a flat in London but I am too old to have two places, so I’ve packed it up and I am having a big sale at Bonhams (Lady Glenconner: My Life in Objects on 18 November). It also means I’ve got a pile of things, such as pictures and little boxes, that would make wonderful presents. I hope that my friends and family might like something to remember me by. And everyone will be getting a signed copy of my new book Manners & Mischief. I’ll definitely send Christmas cards and I love receiving them. I always look forward to getting one from the King and Queen. 

Manners & Mischief by Lady Glenconner is out now in hardback from Bedford Square Publishers, £18.99

Lady Glenconner will be signing her new book Manners & Mischief at The Holt Bookshop on 14 November (2:30pm); the Holkham Gift Shop on 7 December (2pm to 4pm); and Paper Moon Books in Burnham Market on 20 December (11.30am).